Growing up with Nigerian parents is a unique experience, one that has shaped me profoundly, especially now that I've spent the last nine years in Italy. Reflecting on my childhood, certain memories make me smile, while others make me think, "Things could have been handled differently." It’s important to remember that Nigerian parenting styles vary greatly across the country; not all households are the same. Still, many of us who experienced growing in Nigeria share some undeniable truths. Let's explore some of them.
The Unwavering Call of Duty: Early Starts & Constant Errands
To begin, do you remember being jolted awake just when your sleep felt the sweetest? A loud bang on the door meant the day had begun. My mum often told stories of waking at 4 AM to fetch water. For my brother and me, the day started at 5:30 AM with a list of chores: fetch water, wash dishes, sweep the apartment, and be out for school before 8 AM. This wasn't an occasional task; it was an everyday ritual. 😓
This sense of duty continued all day, often through an endless stream of errands. My mum could be 10 meters from the fridge and still call me from outside to get something for her. It made me wonder, "Was I born to suffer?" It felt possible to run over twenty-five errands in a single day, with at least fifteen feeling completely unnecessary.
The Pillars of Protocol: Greetings and Respect
In the rich tapestry of Nigerian tradition, greetings are a "do or die" affair. You simply cannot forget to say "Good morning," "Good afternoon," or "Welcome" to your elders—unless you want an "oven-baked slap." Forgetting a greeting can get you instantly labeled as disrespectful, and it was depressing to think you could accumulate "haters" just by being forgetful. 😞
Furthermore, this protocol extends to respect. As a young person, you are expected to show the utmost respect for elders. You would never sit with your parents when a guest is over unless you were specifically invited; it was seen as trying to "enjoy senior's jokes." And talking back to your parents? That was a swift path to a swollen face.
The Shadow of the Unknown: Fear and Restricted Relationships
Fear is a significant part of life for many Nigerian children. We grew up with warnings like, "Don't let anyone touch your head," or "If an unknown person calls you, answer but run." We were taught that something sinister was always lurking outside, which could make a child timid and perpetually afraid. Even Nollywood, our vibrant film industry, sometimes reinforced these fears with unsettling messages.
This fear often led to tightly controlled relationships. I remember my own dad telling my friends he didn't want them in our house, leaving me friendless. I've couldn't do assignments with friends or attend birthday parties. Can you imagine the chaos if they discovered you had a boyfriend? This is why many children learn to hide things from their parents. But don't worry, if you turn 28 and are still unmarried, they are more than willing to refer you to a pastor for "deliverance."
The Quest for Autonomy: No Freedom & Harsh Punishment
If you wanted to have things your way, you would have to ask God to send you to another country, because in many Nigerian households, the word "freedom" doesn't exist. You don't eat what you want; you eat what you're given. You don't wear what you want; you wear what you're told. Forget parties and sleepovers; your only approved outings are school and church. Even your phone calls and messages are monitored.
When the word punishment is mentioned, it's not about various forms of correction. Instead, specific tools come to mind: PANKERE, BELT, WIRE, KOBOKO. The punishments could be incredibly cruel, and I personally experienced torn skin and bleeding from being "corrected." Even if your parents were kind, you would still face teachers at school whose hands were always itching to beat you.
The Unspoken Contract: The Expectation of Payback
Within Nigerian culture, there is often an unspoken belief that once children mature, it is their responsibility to care for their parents. The implicit reason for your upbringing is so that their parents won't suffer in old age. While some parents expect this with grace, others use emotional blackmail. If you are unlucky, it might become your absolute duty to care for them and your siblings, making the obligation feel forced and creating an unhealthy dynamic.
A Different Kind of Love: Defense and High Expectations
On a brighter note, Nigerian parents are fierce defenders. If you were the quiet type and people walked all over you, someone in your family would surely stand up for you. I vividly remember my mum confronting a teacher who kept eating my food at school—and it stopped immediately. However, if you came home crying because a classmate beat you, be prepared for another beating, as their response would be, "Go and beat him back!"
Ultimately, the Nigerian way of showing love is not universally understood. The harsh punishments are meant to ensure you don't get spoiled. The insults are designed to make you feel ashamed so you don't repeat a mistake. The immense pressure is to make sure you work hard and build a successful life. It's no coincidence that a country like Nigeria produces so many accomplished doctors, musicians, and leaders, including literary giants like Nobel laureate Wole Soyinka. That drive is instilled from a very young age.
Did I miss something, let me know in the comments.
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